I have recently been attracted to the sight known as "cuteoverload.com". For those of you that don't know, cuteoverload is possibly the best way to waste time on the internet, just so long as you're in a social situation where exclamations of "Awwww!!!!" and "SO CUTE!!!!" are acceptable. I'm at work, but have very little shame, so the students in here can go ahead and think I have Tourette's.
As my mom very well knows, I want a puppy right now more than anything. I want a miniature doxin, and I want to name it John Avery Whitaker ("Whit" for short). Being both poor and not at home very often, this is a problem; however, I have decided I can delay my need for a puppy for a few years and, instead, get a momonga.A momonga is a Japanese flying squirrel, and they're the cutest damn thing I have ever seen. If I had one, I would name it Bibble, and we would have awesome office adventures every day. Pets in the office aren't strictly encouraged, so I would have to keep her on the down low, but I think I could manage that. The following is an average day with Bibble:Although Bibble could fly directly to work, chances are I would beat her and/or she would be harassed by the local squirrels, who are much fatter and meaner than sweet Bibble. Having been a child mocked by my peers, I would not wish that upon my pets.
Due to a general lack of safety and concern for my corporeal well being, I have a tendency to run into solid objects on a regular basis, so pocket carrying is out of the question. Bibble can ride around in a fancy top hat instead. Not only will I be transporting my pet safely and in style, but as we all know, top hat = status, so I'll be impressing the boss as well.While I "work", Bibble could take ample naps in my desk drawer and chew on old post-its if she's feeling motivated. Due to a significant lack of supplies in my drawer, she could effectively have her own private studio for the day. When advisers are in meetings, I would sneak her out and play games like hide the saltine and jigglyball.Bibble, however, would not be the best for my love life. After work, I would take Bibble with me to the local bars, but would become too distracted and, sequentially, forget about beer, my date, and nachos, thus defeating the purpose of going out to a bar. I would, thus, need to get a Bibble-sitter, but the whole "not having money" thing would prevent that. I would have to pay in MS paint drawings or paperclip statues.
So, if you are looking to get on Santa's nice list this year, remember your good friend Lauren and her desire for a momonga. If not, a momonga sized helmet would suit me just fine for the time being, or at least stave off my need for a puppy....